One of the hardest things is letting go. It is important to
let go those that have hurt us repeatedly. Those people who do not have your
best interest at heart, those that think of only themselves. Unfortunately, I have a big heart. I say unfortunately
because as I am aware it is a great thing, it is also a curse at the same
time. I look for the good in people as I
have mentioned before, but sometimes you can’t find good in everyone. There are
bad people in this world that want to hurt you, that don’t really care about
you and it sucks. Sometimes you just hit
your complete breaking point and you have to just cut your losses, cut ties and
hopefully learn something in the process. Losing someone is never easy; you end up
mourning the loss of a friendship or a loss of a relationship with a family
member. You go through a grieving period
and it hurts. I will always care about those people, but my heart can’t take
the pain that they caused. It is really hard for me to stop caring about
someone.
Sometimes I wonder if
I gave too many chances, maybe I would see a difference, maybe they would
change. The truth is you have to accept someone for who they are, not for what
you see them to be. I really need to stop looking at a person’s potential and
see them for what they really are. I guess I expect more in people, and when I
find out I was wrong, I become disappointed in them. I don’t expect much, I expect someone to be
caring, compassionate, loving, and kind. It is so hard to know what kind of
person someone is. You don’t want to push everyone away because people have
hurt you in the past, but there is no way of really knowing. It would be a lot easier if I had an
eggdacator like in Willy Wonka, that would tell me if they were a bad egg or
not. If only I could line everyone up
and have them step on the machine and see what happens. If they were a bad egg, like Veruca Salt, down
the garbage chute they would go. I have
learned there is not good in everyone. Something must have happened to make
them this way. Some people are just
bitter jerks. It has taken me a long
time to learn this.
The worst feeling in the world is when you find out a family
member is this way. Especially when you
have given your all to make things work, devoted so much time and energy to be
there and when you find out who they really are, it is just like a slap in the
face. Maybe I had hoped you changed, and it didn’t happen. There is just so
much pain you can take before it eats you alive and you just can’t allow that
person to hurt you anymore. I guess you
get to a point where the emotional pain is normal; it really messes with your
other relationships and human dynamics. Hope is a funny thing, it is good to have
hope, but sometimes too much hope can distort your reality and make you hurt in
the long run. Some say you are in
control of how you feel, and that you only allow someone make you feel a
certain way, that is true, but there are a couple exceptions to the rules, one
being when it comes to family. You spend your whole life looking up to someone,
loving them, trying as hard as you can to have that relationship and bond with
them and then one day you come to find out that they never cared and it was all
a sham. One of the quotes from Fools
Rush In that I think about is “Love is a gift, not an obligation.” That
basically means if it is a gift to love someone and be loved, not something you
do because you have to. I just feel like
they were obligated and all those words and memories were a lie, because
actions speak louder than words.
I am not sure I can
remember a time where I thought wow, he really loves me, I am sure there was
one but it is just weird I can’t remember it. I think that is the hardest truth to
understand. Now, it is time to let go of
all of the pain and the hurt and the sorrow. It’s time to live a happy life full of laughter
and love, and put all that suffering behind me and leave those who have hurt me
behind, no matter how hard that might be.
I am at peace with my decision, it probably is something I should have
done a long time ago, but that little imp called Hope was playing a trick on me
again. It’s good to hope, just don’t hope yourself in to a bad situation, see
people for who they are, not what you potentially see in them, use caution and
set a limit and once the limit exists be brave enough to just let them go.
I will instead of becoming a bitter person, and giving up
hope on humanity, and losing my faith in those kind people, I will still take
those chances and open my heart up; I will be a little more guarded about who I
associate with.
