Monday, June 18, 2012

Faith and Relationships


I am kind of nervous writing this post.  I am not too sure how it will be received.

I asked on Twitter one day, if it was wrong that I want to have a relationship with a man who has the same faith I do? I mean we don’t have to be exactly on the same page about absolutely everything, but I would want someone who has the same fundamental beliefs I do.  I hope that doesn’t seem judgmental or anything but God is a huge part of my life and I want to be able to share it with my someday husband.   I want to be able to pray with him, read the Bible together, have discussions, and worship together. I personally believe that people with different beliefs in a relationship can strain the relationship.   I think a solid relationship is based on a foundation and you have to have similar belief systems.  When I think about this subject two things come to mind.  The first one is a bible verse.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken, if you are both wrapped around God your relationship is stronger.  Three is stronger than two strings that are just wrapped around each other.  This could be whatever you believe but for me it is God.

 The other thing I think of is an episode of Trading Spouses.  I think it is the only one I have ever watched and I have seen it twice.  The families are a Christian family and the other family is Orthodox Jewish, which means they are completely Kosher, they are very strict about dress and very old school with their beliefs.  When the Jewish mom is having dinner with the other family, she says it is important that her children marry someone who is also Orthodox Jewish. One of the family members said something along the lines of that’s judgmental.  The mother of the family agreed with the new mom and said it is important to have the same beliefs.   I have noticed people struggling with their relationships because they want to talk about their faith and the other person is not interested or even disrespectful about it.  It is ok that they don’t believe the same thing but I think that it is important to have that support system.
I have dated guys that don’t believe in God. I had some be rude about it and insult my faith. I never sat them down and tried to get them to believe in him. I respected their beliefs. I think it is easier when you have someone holding your hand and encouraging you to believe in your faith of choice and nurture it.  You definitely notice it more when you’re struggling in your faith without that support system.  It is in my opinion easier to get off the path you are on and be led astray.  I guess it is an accountability thing,  someone to keep you on track.

 Someone on Twitter responded it is important especially if you want kids down the road.  I totally agree. I am teaching Noah about God and Jesus.  His first DVD was God made Christmas. I love the God Made series. They are really cute DVDS.  I am not cramming it down his throat, he can make the choice when he is old enough to do so, but I want him to know about God.  We talk about God  together, pray together, he calls them God Blesses. It is important to me that he does. I want all my children to know about God.  I don’t want my future husband to derail my family’s beliefs.  I don’t want my children to hear that God isn’t real because he is.  I think that it becomes confusing for a child when they have parents that believe totally different things.  It becomes a struggle for the family and the child.  Things come together better when you are all together in faith and are able to grow in God (or whatever you believe in) as a family.

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Sunday, June 17, 2012

Choose Your Friends Wisely


I mentioned in my peer pressure post, I would talk about a girl I once knew.  I met this girl when we were in sixth grade and became friends; she was really shy but seemed really nice. Somewhere in seventh grade we weren’t friends anymore.  We both went through school without any interaction, we went to a huge school so it was possible and we didn’t have any classes together. We were never enemies, or got in verbal confrontations, she became a girl I would occasionally hear her name and maybe possibly see her in the hall. We both moved on with our lives and then in 2007 we became reacquainted. At first it was weird, because she didn’t really care for me much, but holding on to something that happened in the sixth grade is just silly. We became friends again; I wouldn’t consider that we were really close. She spent a lot of time with some of my other friends so we hung out. She and I hung out just us maybe three times to this day.  Shortly after this happened we moved to Florida, we still stayed in touch, because I hadn’t seen the big fireworks going off warning me to run for the hills.

I knew she had some issues with her ex, and stuff like that, I could relate to her in that respect. I knew that she was hurting and I wanted to reach out and be her friend. I remember a specific time that she threatened to call the cops on me, because I didn’t agree with the legal advice some lady was giving her. She wasn’t a lawyer, she actually didn’t know what she was talking about at all. So, this girl and I stopped talking, I can’t be mixed up in that. I am a mom and I don’t have time to really deal with this kind of behavior and then she called me. She used her “wounded animal” voice and I stupidly started talking to her again. This time she thought she was pregnant; well she always thought she was pregnant.

I felt sorry for her, she completely down spiraled from there.  She would meet these guys that were no good, she even went as far as trying to change her ultrasound from the child she miscarried to fake a pregnancy, which she later said it was a miscarriage. I have had a miscarriage and that really upset me and made me very angry. I started ignoring her calls, texts, ims you name it, I ignored it. That was not ok. I found out through mutual friends that she had been engaging in criminal activities. She would call the police at a drop of a hat, and it even got to the point where she cried wolf so many times, the police didn’t believe her anymore.  I was suckered in to talking to her a few more times, I felt bad, I wanted to help. You can’t help someone who won’t help themselves. I honestly still feel bad for her, but my family comes first. I can’t have someone who is engaging in behaviors where I could get in trouble and go to jail or worse around me or my family. I don’t want to be innocently going to the mall or out to eat with her and land in jail for her actions. That is not someone I want to be a role model. I know that it’s her life and her choices but personally, I can’t have that around me.

As I said before, I believe that you have the right to pick your own friends, but be careful and watch out for the warning signs that something might not be right. I would hate for any of you to be at the wrong place at the wrong time and regret it.