Tips on How to Begin Necessary Conversations with Loved Ones about Their Care Wishes
By Dr. Elizabeth Glazier, Director of Palliative Care, Wellmed Medical Group in Tampa
April 16th
is National Healthcare Decisions Day – A day set aside to encourage all
of us to discuss important advance planning health care wishes. It’s
an opportunity to begin the process of documenting those wishes as part
of routine care before a stressful health crisis arises.
It can be tough to get started. It may even feel a bit awkward, but powerful conversations with family members today can ensure
end-of-life care preferences are honored and reduce stress and
uncertainty in the future. Planning today means that you can take
comfort tomorrow in knowing that your loved ones will receive the
treatments they want, and avoid the care that they don’t want at the end
of life.
According
to a national survey, more than 90% of the people think it’s important
to talk about their loved ones’ and their own wishes for end-of-life
care, but fewer than 30% of people have actually had the conversation.
Many people simply haven’t gotten around to taking the necessary steps
to crystallize what they want and to formalize it. Sometimes it’s
because people don’t know how to start the conversation with their loved
ones.
A
great way to start is by thinking about what is most important to you
if you or your loved ones were facing a life threatening or progressive
illness and then you can move on to thoughtful and open conversations
with those you love. Sometimes those conversations can be the
toughest, so here are some simple steps to get the conversation started:
· Think about what is most important to you.
What are your greatest fears, hopes and goals? Who would you prefer to
make decisions on your behalf with your physicians if you could not? How
sure are you of your choices? Do you want your chosen proxy to have
leeway to change your decisions? Now you are ready to discuss these
topics with your loved ones to reach a shared understanding of your
desires.
· Talk with your loved ones. Honest
communication can help families avoid the stress of guessing what a
family member would have wanted. Be open with each other and focus on
really understanding the views of those you love. You may find that you
and your loved ones may see some things differently. That’s okay. Talk
through it, listen and keep an open mind.
· Make it official.
Once you’ve had the conversation, formalize your decisions by putting
them in writing. There are several ways. An advance directive can help
describe your medical wishes when you no longer can. Special medical
orders can be developed with your doctor. Finally, a health care proxy
identifies your health care agent—the person you trust to act on your
behalf if you are unable to make decisions or communicate your wishes.
· Get help. You can find valuable resources to help you think through these issues and make decisions more manageable at www.optumcare.com and theconversationproject.org.
This
is a process and it does take some time, but it is well worth it. I
have seen firsthand the sense of peace, calm and satisfaction families
experience knowing their loved ones wishes are granted, and with these
details taken care of you will have more precious and memorable time to
spend with your loving family members.
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