Parenting is a Lifelong Commitment

I read something about a letter from your parents. It basically said you are still my baby and how much I worry about you and please tell me you are fine.  As a mom I totally understand that, especially when I still call Noah my baby, he says I am your big boy. He is right but I remind him he will always be my baby.  I think you should let your parents know how you are, it is important.  I also think that parents should help their children, even when they are adults.  No one is perfect and sometimes people need help from their mom or dad. I don’t understand the mentality some parents have where they can’t wait until their kids move out, turn 18 or they get as far as possible from their child.  I personally think the moment you become a parent, you are a parent for forever. Your job is not over when your child is not 18 or 21 or moves out.  You cannot retire from parenthood.   You are still required to provide emotional support for your children, be their crutch, be their rock, be the one that they can run to when they need help.

We grow up relying on our parents. That is something we figure out the day we are born. We know that these giant people are our parents and their job is to take care of us and comfort us.  It’s not a learned behavior. I don’t see why that should change when you are an adult.  You are not blessed with all the wisdom and knowledge on your eighteenth birthday, although some people think so. Life is just a series of choices and events and sometimes things don’t work out like we planned.   I believe in someone being able to make mistakes and learn from them, but sometimes you need help.  It might be financially, relationship wise or anything really.  You just can’t turn your back on your child and let them fend for themselves.  You can’t offer them suggestions like telling them they need to do something ridiculous. 

When Noah grows up, I want to make sure he knows he can always come to me for help and emotional support or anything he needs.  I will make sure he knows every day how much I love him, how special he is and how proud I am of him. After all that is what we do for our kids.  I don’t think that just because someday Noah will be an adult that I will turn in my mom card and be done.  Being a parent is truly a lifelong commitment.

ATTN: Parents with Tablets...

If you are a parent that owns a tablet, an iPad, or even a smart phone, you will want to take special note of this post. Remember it read it often, this is important.  I like most parents, let my five year old use my tablet, to play games, take care of his fish, and draw. I always am monitoring what he is doing, with him right next to me, but I am usually on my laptop doing work related things. I am not 100% watching what he is doing every single second, but make sure that he isn’t doing something he shouldn’t. Not that he would purposely do something he shouldn’t that would endanger him, come on he is five.  It is part of our daily ritual for him to ask to use my tablet to check on his fish and play the plane game.  I of course can’t resist his smile especially when his cheek dimple is present. I am putty in my five year old's hands.  He has an allotted amount of tablet time each day, if he misbehaves that is the first thing to go. 

You can of course purchase games, apps, coins and credits for certain things. I had some extra money left over so I thought, hey I will let Noah upgrade his plane game and get him some coins and bucks for his fish game.  I wasn’t going to attach it to my bank account because I had this fear, I don’t know if it was because I remember when my old best friend’s son got a hold of my phone and downloaded a few ring tones, that I had to pay for. It was only like 5 or 6 bucks no big deal.  I was not under any circumstances have that linked to my bank account. So, I had a prepaid credit card that I used.  I am a smart cookie, because I signed on gmail, which is what my Android account is linked to, so I could talk to one of my greatest friends Lee. I never really sign on it ever, unless it is to use gchat. I noticed in my email there were a few extra purchases made. One being one million coins on Tap Fish for the price of $99.99, which was a purchase made by my five year old trying to magically get coins. Either that or he thinks I am made of money.  There wasn't that much left on the card, I think there was like 90 cents. So, it was cancelled, thank God. I used to “magically” get him coins by selling fish at night when he was asleep. He would freak out if he knew I was selling them. I was mom during the day and fish pimp at night.

Here is my important advice, if you have a tablet; it takes literally three taps for your child to put you in financial ruin. You should use a prepaid credit card for this. Seriously, you will thank me later. Never have it linked to your bank account, a normal credit card, or Paypal, if they take Paypal. Now I know it is annoying to go to the store and there is a fee of like $5, but it is so much easier than finding out that adorable child you brought in this world took your hard earned money and fighting the bank and the app people. It is worth your sanity. TRUST ME.

Sanity-Saving Objects for the Overworked Parent

Saving your sanity as a parent is a task best suited for things that don’t talk; namely, anything but other people.  OK, we’re just kidding for the most part, but there certainly are some physical things that can’t walk and talk that can help you find that inner peace you’ve been searching for, if even for only a few minutes.  So kick back, unwind, and pretend that you just don’t have any children with any of these items that an overworked parent should not be without.

Bath Robes

Few things are as relaxing to the major muscle groups in your body, as well as to a pounding headache, as a nice hot bath.  If you’re finding it difficult to get just a few minutes to yourself, a long bath is the perfect opportunity, because once you’re behind the bathroom door, even your kids can’t get to you (just be sure another adult or babysitter is watching them while you soak).  To make the exquisite experience last even longer, you should wear a luxury bath robe after getting out of the tub.  Comfortable, classy, and warm, these types of bath robes help you feel like a million bucks, even if you end up eating boxed macaroni and cheese afterward.

Headphones

When the word ‘headphones’ is mentioned, we’re not talking about that flimsy five dollar pair you picked up at Walmart or CVS.  We’re talking about high quality, noise reducing, comfortable to wear headphones.  Listening to your favorite music can be soothing, and sometimes a five minute break to hear your anthem can rouse you enough to keep going, even on a very long, busy day.

The Chair

The title for this section is vaguely described on purpose, mainly because there are no set descriptive characteristics you need have on your favorite chair.  Whatever couch, chair, or beanbag you decide to use is up to you, but whatever one you do select, it should be off-limits to the kids.  That way, when you need to sink into a comfy seat, there isn’t any competition from the kids, and you can restore your peace of mind before the kids restore chaos to your household.

I Do Not Want Your Unwanted Parenting Advice....Sorry

For those of my readers that are parents, I am sure you have encountered this at some point at least once as a parent. People who tell you how to raise your child or give you unsolicited advice, I am sure in most cases it is someone who wants to help, other times they have other motives. I knew this girl who would give me parenting advice, things that worked for her niece and nephew or someone who thinks they know what is best for my child. I am glad that those things would work for them but my child is his own person, things work differently for different children.

I remember when Noah was 6 months old and he would wake up in the middle of the night crying for a little bit. I had mentioned it to his doctor in one of his visits. She told me to wait 5 or 10 minutes before going in there. I mentioned it once and this person started calling me a bad mom, saying I didn’t take care of my son; of course that was not the case. I was following the advice of his doctor who specializes in children. As long as he was fine, it was ok for him to cry a little bit. He wasn’t in danger or being ignored. He was learning to self soothe himself. I would let it go for the exact time limit and then go check, most of the time he was back asleep. I knew that person was trying to upset me and I didn’t let it. I was a mom and I was doing a great job.

It is easy for someone who is not a parent to give advice. It is easy for them to say I would do this, or I wouldn’t do that. It is different when you are a parent and you know your child. I am sure people who want to have children think about what kind of parent they want to be. There are quick judgments about how someone raises their child. I am definitely not saying that there are instances where it is wrong for a parent to do something that is harmful to their child, because I know sadly that’s not the case. It does happen but at the same time there are many false accusations made against parents that are doing nothing wrong. I think that if you suspect something going on that is truly harmful please report them, but it is not a tool to use to get back at or hurt someone with. Think of it this way, Child Protective Services or whatever it is called in your state gets ten calls from people that are just trying to punish an adult that is ten cases that are legitimate are getting pushed to the side. I know that many parents like me love my child so much and he is my world.

It seems like everyone has an opinion when it comes to parenting, which is fine. I know that is perfectly ok to have your opinion, but at the same time if someone doesn’t ask for advice, maybe you should just keep it to yourself. Comments that other people make telling you what to do with your child are very annoying. Depending on what the comment is, it could really make them upset. It really could make someone question themselves as parents. They might wonder if they are doing a good job. I am not talking about the parents that don’t really deserve to be a parent, but good loving mothers and fathers.

There are some people I welcome parenting advice from such as my mom, my son’s doctor or any doctor, and if the person was degreed in something child related such as a counselor. I would also welcome parenting advice from my cousins that have children because I know they know what they are doing. I know that they wouldn’t tell me advice unless I asked. I would remember that just because it worked for their child, it may or may not work for mine. I know from talking to friends about our children, some things don’t work for siblings either. Every child is different, just because it works for one it may not work for another.

So, if you are not my mom, or not a doctor or the like or I didn’t ask you what to do, then please don’t tell me how to raise my child. Even then I don’t always follow my mom’s or anyone’s (other than his doctor’s) advice. I just ask their opinion and take it in to consideration. I know that I ask my friends for advice sometimes, as they ask me but it is always solicited. You might think you are helping but wait until someone asks about something before saying something that could upset them.

Have you ever received off the wall parenting advice? Have you ever had someone who had no clue what it is like to be a parent give you advice?