Moments of Life

When your loved one is really sick it’s heartbreaking. It’s even more heartbreaking when they have to go in to hospice. When my Grandma Rose was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure, we knew that it was time to say our good byes. My Grandma Rose had many heart problems. She had two open heart surgeries sixteen years apart. My grandma was 88 years old. She also had Alzheimer’s disease. Her health had been declining over the last few years of her life. She was in the hospital on and off. We knew that she would need hospice care. She was in assisted living before she went to the hospital but with the new diagnosis and her age, there wasn’t really much the doctors could do. My Grandma Rose was a very strong person. She was a fighter. There were times that we were told by her doctors to say good bye before surgeries. She always made it out unscathed. My family felt comfort knowing that since she was in hospice that she would be taken care of and made comfortable. My Grandma lived such an amazing life. She had a loving husband, a great family, many friends and she helped anyone she could. We knew we weren’t giving up, we were just making the last days of her life the best they could be.

You sometimes know when it’s time for them to go to Heaven. As much as you don’t want it to happen, it does.  She had family visiting with her every day. She needed medical care but, being in the hospital wasn’t something she liked. Being in the hospital was not ideal, it would have been too heartbreaking and difficult for her to be at a family member’s home, because she needed extra care that we weren’t trained to do.  It was challenging with her Alzheimer’s, because she didn’t know what was going on at all. We made sure to find a great hospice program for her. It was affiliated with the catholic hospital which is important to my Grandma Rose. Her faith was number one.

I will never forget the last time I saw my Grandma Rose. It was so hard for me because she was my best friend. When it was time for me to leave, I said I love you Grandma. She said I love you more. That was our special thing that we had been doing for years. I feel like God gave me a special gift because it was like there was no Alzheimer’s disease. There was no who are you or what am I doing here? It was just us. As soon as I walked out of the room, I started bawling. It was such a hard and sad moment and on the other hand something that I hold very dear to my heart. She was able to be herself to every family member that day.  I knew she was in good hands. The day my grandma passed away, we knew that she was probably going to heaven that night. I decided not to be there when it happened. I was not taking this well. My mom and aunt were holding her hands when she took her last breath. My mom called me and there was an ocean of tears.

Sometimes when your loved one goes in to hospice, they still have a whole lot of living to do. There isn’t a time limit for them. There is no expiration date stamp. There is a misconception with hospice as giving up, it's not though.  Hospice can enrich their lives. They can learn new skills and be always greeted with a smile. Sometimes in the hospital, the staff doesn’t always have a smile on their faces. People who work in hospice want to be there. They have a passion for their patients. Many times being at home is not possible without medical training.  Most people hate to be in the hospital or even visit them. With hospice it’s like home with many caring people by their side. 

Moments of Life

The goal of Moments of Life: Made Possible by Hospice is to educate the public about the choices we all have when facing a life-limiting illness, and how choosing hospice is not ‘giving up.

 

Optum

Optum is a leading information and technology-enabled health services business dedicated to helping make the health system work better for everyone. With more than 50,000 people worldwide, Optum delivers intelligent, integrated solutions that help to modernize the health system and improve overall population health, including palliative and hospice care for

   

For more information on what to expect from hospice check out Moments of Life.

Getting Older.....What's the Big Deal?

As I was eating dinner, I had an idea for a post. QVC or HSN happened to be on the TV and they were talking about some anti aging products. I started thinking about my grandma Rose, and how beautiful she was.  I was thinking about how she didn’t use anti-aging products, how she didn’t dye her hair and she just aged. Granted all the women in my family on my mom’s side have great genes where we look younger than we are. I think that had something to do with it.  Even if we didn’t have good aging genes, I don’t think my grandma would have ever got Botox or dyed her hair or get anything like that done.  She got permanents but that is how she wore her hair.  I still remember her hands they were wrinkly and I used to lightly pinch her skin on the back of her hands to make it stand up.

 My Grandma Rose was beautiful and she was naturally that way.  I started wondering, what is wrong with being old or looking your age?  You can’t watch TV without hearing the words anti-aging. You can’t read a magazine without seeing an ad for the latest anti aging product.  Our grandmas didn’t need all of those products. I know that most of them were not around back then.  I think little old ladies are absolutely adorable.  I like to think that they earned every wrinkle they have. Maybe a wrinkle on my grandma’s face was from when my uncle Gene was in his motorcycle accident. Maybe another one was from when I choked on a lifesaver when I was four. My Grandma Rose used to say that she earned every one of these wrinkles. I used to call my grandma an old lady, it was in good fun and she called me kid. She didn’t care if she was wrinkled.  She was truly happy with the way she looked.

 I don’t see why wrinkles are considered a bad thing.  Everyone is so obsessed with looking young and beautiful with their magic potions and their boxes of hair dye.  As I am writing this the movie Death Becomes Her comes to mind. The two characters are so obsessed about being young and winning that they end up being hideous and not to mention dead at the end of the movie.  Women poke and prod themselves and get all sorts of peels and pulls and inject themselves with who knows what. For what, exactly, nothing is guaranteed.  Women go under the knife and get surgeries just  to look better.

   

There are women that go over board and end up looking kind of messed up like Joan Rivers or Suzanne Somers. Who were both beautiful women and if they weren’t so concerned about looking younger than they would look a lot more natural and less like clowns.  Those women are not looked at as young looking women, they are looked at as weird looking. I don’t think people would be like wow they look old, and if they do, they probably are.  Everyone gets old, if they live long enough.  There is nothing wrong with being old. It is a fact of life that I wish more people would embrace instead of denying  it to themselves. 

I know it is considered rude to ask an older person their age.  I know some women lie about their age to hide how old they are.  I am so glad that my mom doesn’t lie about her age, if Noah asks how old she is, she will tell him or if anyone asked for that matter.  She is comfortable in her own skin.  I just wish everyone else was comfortable in their own skin and just aged gracefully and enjoyed life.

I Need New Rugs

One of the things that stick out in my memory about my Grandma Rose is that she had all of these little rugs in her house. I remember pretending that the ground or carpet was lava or water and jumping from rug to another. I would even carry one with me and use it in those really sticky situations when there was a huge gap between rugs. It was a lot of fun and a great game to play with my sister and the occasional cousin. All my cousins are older than I am some quite a bit older, but they would always take time to play with me, their adorable youngest cousin. Now that I am an adult when I see rugs I think of my grandma, especially when they are the same type of rug that she once had. She had two different types of rugs in her house.

Every time, I see a rug I think of my grandma. I also would like to buy some Jute Rugs for the laminate floors in my house. We have rugs at the doors but I would love to get something more decorative. I love Bamboo Rugs.I think a bamboo rug would look really nice with the green colors in my house. Maybe one in front of the sink in the downstairs bathroom since it is painted a pretty shade of green. I think I want to decorate my home with some new rugs and décor.

What kinds of things do you use to decorate your home? Do you like rugs? Did you used to play the game where you used to pretend the carpet or floor was something dangerous? I look forward to your stories.

Dream, Dream, Dream.

I am sure I have told you about my weird dreams before. Definitely about Kevin, the alien that when he gets mad turns in to a queen. For a while now, I have been dreaming about one of my old houses. The dreams I had started out riding my old school bus, from elementary school. I would be on the bus in my old neighborhood and I would get off the bus at my old house and by the time I got off, I’d realize that I don’t live there, and I would start chasing the bus, Mrs. Macy would never stop. I would then somehow try and figure out how to get where I really lived, I never quite knew where that was. Sometimes I would visit my old neighbors. Other times I lived in the house, my mom would open the garage door and I would go inside. It was really weird and had become a reoccurring dream for a while. Then the dreams stopped for a while. It wasn’t like a nightly thing, but it was enough that I would remember it happening quite a bit.

Now, I dream about living in that house like every other week or so. It’s normally that I moved back in. It would look different inside almost every time, never like I remembered it. It never has the basement where I used to sing and dance or the place under the stairs I would have my club house in. It is weird. I know it’s normal to dream about things in the past. I have definitely had weirder dreams, but it is crazy that it is the same theme and almost the same dream or variation of it. I am an adult and Noah is with me. Every time I dream it, I think well now I don’t have to dream about living here anymore. I had the dream very recently, and once I said that, I woke up. I had one of those abrupt where am I wake ups. I woke up in my house. I don’t think I have ever had a dream that I dreamed about waking up like a dream inside a dream. Maybe I have, I don’t really know.

I don’t know if it has to do with something going on in my mind or what that is making me dream about that particular house. I don’t talk to my old neighbors or anything. I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about that house. Dreams are such a weird and complex thing. I am not sure what causes some of them. I had a dream about my Grandma Rose where I was at her house and she let in an escaped mental patient and he came after us. I think it would be really cool to watch our dreams. I am pretty good about remembering my dreams. I would love to see the ones I don’t remember though.

Do you have weird dreams? Do you dream them more than once?

Nursing Home Safety Precautions

I was thinking about different ways to keep people that are in nursing homes safe. There was a tragedy that happened shortly after my grandma left an assisted living home to live with us for a while. This happened a couple weeks after my grandma left, in winter a woman went outside and froze to death. It was a terrible thing to happen. I still feel really bad for the family even now, many years later. I was thinking what if nursing homes bought an id badge printer and made ID cards for the patients? There are many benefits for doing this. It would help with the high amount of turnaround with employees knowing the patient by name. It would also help when it is time for meds for the patients and making sure the right person gets the right medications.

As a granddaughter of a woman who had Alzheimer’s I think it would also help those patients remember their names as well. I think for privacy reasons it should be the first name initial on the badge. You could even go as far as putting the patients and residents names in a certain color if they didn’t have permission to leave alone for safety reasons which would be great if it is a big building. It would also help knowing who belongs there and who is just visiting.

I think it is important to have some kind of protection for the residents that a stranger couldn’t be able to walk off the streets and victimize the patients. I don’t know how many times I went to visit my grandma and I was able to walk right in the facility and wasn’t asked who I was or who I was coming to see. Sure they have a sign in book but I think there should be an extra precaution in place. Of course there should always be a person at the front desk to protect our loved ones from strangers that have no business walking in.

Another idea would be that they have HID proximity cards for family members that visit. The family members could just swipe their card and gain access to the building or better yet, for families that have a loved one in a more secured location. I forgot the code to gain access to where my Grandma Rose was living because she was in a secure area. I wrote the number down many times and even tried to remember it with a mnemonic device and I never remembered it. There would be times we couldn’t leave because we forgot the code to the elevator and we had to hunt down an employee. I know that safety for our loved ones is very important especially those that are already fragile.

Have you seen my glasses?

Everyone in my family wears eyeglasses, it seems like. My mom wears glasses. My grandma always wore glasses too. She would always lose her glasses, but they were just reading glasses. Most of my family just needs reading glasses. They usually just buy the kind you get at the drug store. My mom has been known to wear dollar store glasses because my mom is the worst at losing her glasses or breaking them. She has an annex of glasses that she has bought as backups. Even though she buys like 5 pairs at a time within a couple months the glasses are broken or lost. I assume my son has something to do with that. He probably has a secret hiding place for all of the things that go missing in our house that he has picked up from other people’s houses. He has probably broken a couple pairs too. He likes to wear other people’s glasses.

My sister and I both wear prescription glasses. I am pretty sure we are both near sided. It wouldn’t surprise me if my sister wears glasses as a fashion statement. It just seems like something she would do. I have wore glasses since I was in the 5th grade. I remember when I got them. It started out so I could see the board. I hated wearing them. I would just try and squint to see, sit closer, and forget to bring them anything I could do. I didn’t want to be made fun of because of them. I can’t remember if I was or not. It didn’t take me long to lose those glasses. After that I didn’t really wear my new glasses.

Now I wear my glasses all the time because I want to be able to see. I have really pretty eyes and you can’t see them if I am squinting all the time. It is also really hard to watch TV or navigate my way through a store. I am so used to wearing my glasses I feel weird when I am not wearing them. I personally think I look better without my glasses but seeing is more important than what I look like. It’s funny how our opinions change when we get older. I have pretty good luck with my glasses. They have only been replaced 2 or 3 times in the last 10 years. I know I need to go and get eye exams every year I think it is. I don’t have vision insurance and I hate getting my eyes checked. I really can’t stand when they shoot the puff of air in your eye or trying on glasses. I am one of those no fuss no muss types of women. I usually grab something and try it on and if I like it I get it.

Remember my prescription eyeglasses, I lost in 5th grade? I found them like 10 years later. I lost them at my grandma’s house. Come to find out my grandma was wearing them all those years. It was weird to see them again after all that time. I am sure my grandma thought they were hers, I probably left them behind and since she wasn’t wearing her glasses she thought; oh these must be mine. I am not sure how she saw with them. I remember being little and trying on her glasses and not being able to see a thing. My glasses were not that strong because I can still see without them but, she wore reading glasses. I miss my grandma so much. I would gladly give her my glasses if I could just see her again. It is funny how something as simple as glasses could have such a great story to go along with them. Make sure you get your eyes checked. The world is a much more beautiful place when you can see properly.

Happy Half Birthday Noah

Today is my baby's half birthday. Half birthday's are kind of a big deal in my house. When I was little I would get a present on my half birthday usually the day before or after since My half birthday is Feb. 29th and that is Leap Day. My sister got a present on her half birthday too. That is how we did it. I decided we would get Angel Food Cake to celebrate. I love Angel Food Cake and it was my Grandma Rose's favorite cake and she always had some whenever I would visit. Even if I didn't tell her I was coming. She always knew.

Another reason we are having Angel Food Cake is because it was the first food Noah fed to me when he was really small. It was the sweetest thing that he would share with me. He had two pieces of cake tonight. I asked if I could have some and he shoved what he had left in his mouth. Noah is getting so old so fast. Time is flying by so quickly. It seems like only yesterday I found out that I was going to have him. He is such a bundle of love and kisses and joy. I treasure every moment with him.

He also got a haircut today. My mom took him and when he got home he said "Mommy I look so handsome. I look so handsome Mommy" I agreed. He does look really handsome. We also played outside and he played baseball and rode his big wheel. I r was so much fun.

So, Happy Half Birthday Noah. I love you so much.

Somehow I know we'll meet again. Not sure quite where and I don't know just when you're in my heart so until then it's time for saying good bye.

4 years ago today
On August 12, 2005 my best friend went to Heaven. She was no doubt greeted by her husband Jim, Her sons Jimmy and Steve and many other family and friends that love her. My best friend that I lost was my Grandma Rose. I had a unique relationship with her. She was more than just an old lady who was my mom’s mother. She was my best friend. Ever since I can remember we were attached at the hip. My favorite thing to do when I was young was spend time with my grandma. She was an amazing woman who touched the lives of thousands no make that hundreds of thousands. She opened a soup kitchen and with that single act has fed 100,000’s of hungry mouths. She would hold garage sales for charity and she was a member of many clubs and organizations that helped so many people. She would take in her kids’ friends. She had amazing faith and was a strong Catholic woman. She always put God first in everything she did. My grandma would help anyone she could. She was truly an inspiration.

Growing up Grandma and I would play many games and sing songs. Some of my favorites are Sookie and witch in the well. I someday want to publish the story of Sookie and dedicate it to her. I remember how we would play London Bridges too. I caught myself the other day playing it with my son. I cherished every moment and memory with her. We would walk to the store and get treats. We would have to walk thru the deep valley to get there. It was always fun and we would hold hands the whole way there and back. We would sometimes have lunch at Mc Donald’s. Ok we almost always had lunch. We would go to the mall and walk around the whole mall a few times for exercise. We used to play a lot of cards as well. We played Euchre, Bone yard, Old maid, and 21. We also played Rummy.

My favorite thing to do with her was the I love you more game. Whenever one of us would say I love you the other would say I love you more. We would go back and forth until one of us would say we love each other equal.

I knew if I just showed up at her house she would have a cold drink in the fridge and a goody bag made up for me. The grand kids would spend New Years at Grandpa and Grandma’s house. It was family law. It was a big party. We would have a piñata made out of a brown paper sack filled with treats. We always made two banners. One saying good bye to the year that was ending and one welcoming the New Year. Grandma had a clock that you could move the hands on it and we would change it to midnight some years and then go outside and bang pots and pans. I have so many wonderful memories of my Grandma Rose. We had so much fun. She would make me lists of chores and I would pretend to be Amelia Bedelia and mess them up. It was one of my favorite games we would play. I loved to cook with her and help her do the dishes. I would stand on a chair right next to her. I usually would dry them because I didn’t want dish pan hands. She taught me how to iron and sew. I still sew like I did when I was oh say 9 years old. That is ok though.

Grandma would tell me all kinds of stories about when she was little or when my mom and aunt and uncles were little. I remember I would listen to her wide eyed and attentive. We used to read Good Old Days Magazine before bed. She and I would play a game to see who could go to sleep the fastest and the winner got a candy bar. She always let me win.

My Grandma Rose was a fighter. She might of weighed 112 pounds and stood at 5’2 but she wasn’t going anywhere without a fight. She had her first open heart surgery in 1979 when I was still in God’s pocket. People are supposed to get another one every 10 years. She went 16 before having another. There were a few times where the doctors would say to us this is really risky you should say good bye to her because there is a good chance she won’t make it. Every time she pulled through. She had a whole lot of living to do.

She ended up developing Alzheimer’s disease. It was heart breaking to see her go through it. She didn’t know who anyone was or where she was and in some cases who she was. I can’t imagine how scared she must have been everyday. She seemed to remember me the most often probably because I am the baby of the family.

The last time I saw her was when she was in the hospital. She was pretty out of it. When I had to leave knowing this was the last time I would see her on Earth probably. I said I love you Grandma. She responded I love you more. It was like for an instant she was her normal self. I really feel like God granted me that moment and I will never forget that. Of course I cried the whole way home. She went peacefully with my mom and aunt by her side.

I think about her all the time. Sometimes I come across her things and I smell her on them. It is like she is there with me. I know she is. I strive to be like her every day of my life. She was and always will be my role model and best friend.
I miss her so much. I wish she was here to play with Noah. I know she is smiling down on us and living through all that love her.

Rest In Peace Grandma Rose 1917-2005. I know I will see you again. I love you and miss you always.

Here is a picture of My Grandma Rose and My Grandpa Jim. It was from their 50th wedding anniversary in 1988. They were the happiest couple in the world. They were soulmates.

Wasn't she so beautiful?