The Long Term Effects of Bullying

When you are bullied as a child, it causes long term effects. Those names people call you, they cause long term effects.  You could carry it with you for a long time. It can play a huge part in decisions you make in your life.  It is something that could ruin your life when you are a child or even as an adult. When I was younger in elementary school, I was bullied; I was constantly called names, called weird, called crazy. I wasn’t crazy or weird. I was bullied by classmates and even by a couple family members. My own family members would call me crazy.  My dad’s mom and my aunt would tell my cousin I was crazy.  They would say oh you are in one of your moods.  It really hurt me and it still makes me want to cry to this day. I was just a kid going through a lot. My parents were divorcing and I was just trying to find my place.  I was treated like crap for no reason. I wasn’t a mean child, I was in fact the complete opposite, I was a sweet and loving little girl. 

When I was in jr. high I was made fun of. Everyone knew my name, not because I was popular, because it was some big joke. I am not sure what I did, or said to make everyone taunt me or whatever. I never knew. I was a sweet and loving girl. I had some friends who were nice to me when I was in elementary school and in jr. high, I just don’t know why I was the butt of some joke. I wasn’t doing anything crazy. It makes no sense. I wasn’t the most glamorous girl but I didn’t think I was too bad. I was average in my opinion. I think that bullying affected my life.  I made choices that weren’t smart. I chose toxic friends over and over again.  I just was so used to being made fun of and people being mean to me, that it was normal. I guess I allowed friends to be mean to me and hurt me over and over, because when you have nothing, anything seems better than that and you can take what you can get.

In high school, things got better. I had more friends, granted most of them were not the best choices. Especially my old best friend, she was so mean to me. I took it anyways. I wanted to have friends, so I looked the other way. Even when she and a bunch of people wrote a hateful note to me and it really hurt my feelings. There are many other times this girl has severely hurt my feelings, thankfully she is not in my life anymore. I have learned that there are good friends out there. 

I also think that the fact that I was bullied and called names had something to do with my relationship choices especially my ex-husband, who was abusive.  I am not saying it was my fault because no one deserves to be abused, physically, emotionally, mentally or verbally.  I just think it goes back to one of those things where when you are used to nothing you take what you can get.  I have completely changed my mind set when it comes to friends. I am no longer friends with anyone I deem toxic.  I am so blessed now to have so many great friends, who would never hurt me in the ways I have been hurt before. They love me for me, and I love them for them. We look past each other’s flaws and totally accept one another.

Those names you call others, those mean hurtful words, they do cause damage.  They are more than just words, there is a real human behind hearing them and you are crushing their spirit, self esteem and self worth. If you think that someone will forget about those mean things you said, chances are they still remember, and they probably are still hurt deep inside. They probably still think about you and how much you hurt them. I am sure you are thinking oh they need to get over it, or we were just kids, but really those are excuses. The words will linger for a long time.  You can steal their childhood, or part of their life, because of the turmoil and pain you caused.  You never know what someone is really going through, have some compassion. Teach your children compassion and empathy.  Teach your children to think before you speak or type you don’t want to be responsible for someone else’s pain or worse.

Should We Drug Test People on Government Assistance?

I briefly touched on the topic of food stamps, and welfare on my bully post, but I have been meaning to write this post for a long time. I figured while I have my soap box out I would go ahead and write it.  There has been a lot of talk about people on assistance and how they should be drug tested to receive assistance. Which is stereotyping people that need the help, and it is wrong. I am sorry but if someone needs  the help I would rather them get it, then have them go hungry or have medical problems.  Just because they need help doesn’t make them a crackhead.  I would be naïve to say that no one does drugs that are on assistance, because I am sure some do.  You really don’t know why the person needs it. 

They could have a sick child who has medical bills that use up the money they do have, they might have a reason they can’t work. Maybe they are a single parent and they can’t afford to work and pay for daycare and food. Maybe they are supposed to get child support and the other parent doesn’t pay it.  There are many reasons that people need help.  I am sure there are people who abuse the system, its not perfect but it is not a reason to look down upon or make fun of someone who is trying to provide for their family. As someone who is against drugs, if someone acts like they are all strung out, by all means make them take a drug test.  It should be a case by case instance.  Not everyone on assistance does drugs, not everyone on drugs gets assistance. 

Another thing that really makes me angry is when people say things like, oh my gosh, look at the junk food those people are getting with their assistance! They shouldn’t be allowed to get chips and candy and cupcakes and cookies. They shouldn’t be able to get the “extras” if they are on assistance.  Really? Did you really just say that? It really makes me want to knock someone off their high horse. Why does anyone think they can determine what someone else puts in their shopping cart?  I think children deserve a treat. I think that a child deserves a bedtime snack, if the parent wants them to have it. Why take that away from a child? They should have the chance to have cookies or candy every so often.  I don’t see anything wrong with that. 

I hate it when people say; things like I pay for your kids or you sit at home and do nothing while I “support” your kids. I am pretty sure at some point they did have a job. Taxes are taxes; you will pay them if there are 10 people on assistance or 10,000. The government would find a way to come up with something to use it for.  That is one thing that I don’t like about Judge Judy when she says things like that. Really we don’t know the full situation; we shouldn’t judge people for seeking the help that they really do need.

I think before we are quick to make comments like those or even judge or look down on someone, we should stop and think about it.  We don’t know their reasons, we are not the ones that should decide who does or doesn’t deserve the right to have help.  If there is someone you know that is abusing the system or doing things they shouldn’t be, you should anonymously report them and at least let your concerns be known if there is a legitimate concern.   Someday you might find yourself if their shoes and I am sure you wouldn’t like to be labeled because you are trying to help your family.  I think if you need the help   you shouldn’t be too proud to ask for help. It doesn’t make you a bad person.  What is wrong is needing the help and not getting it and letting your children go hungry.

This is an extremely controversial topic so I have chosen to do something I have never done and close the comments on this post. I just wanted to share how I feel on this topic and I do respect everyone’s opinions, I don’t want to start an argument. I am sure you can understand my reasoning behind this decision.

Have a little compassion

Where has all the compassion gone? Seriously, I don’t know why people think it is funny or nice to make fun of people because they dress different than you or are a different race or look different. It is not cool to say go to a store and take a picture of a stranger and then exploit them on a website where they purposely make fun of people and the way they look. Not everyone dresses the same. That is part of being different and unique. Just because someone is not dressed like a cookie cutter image of what is in a fashion magazine does not by any means give someone the right to hurt their feelings or make fun of them. Most people do not walk around trying to get on a stupid website. I am sure there are many people that don’t know what it is. I also think that they don’t do it for attention either. Maybe they never will know that they are being laughed at behind a computer screen but maybe someone they love will see it or it really doesn’t matter because it is wrong in my opinion. I doubt someone would want to be made fun of on a website that is mean spirited disguised as humor.

I also don’t think it is funny when people make jokes about disabled people to be funny. They say things like special Ed this and helmet that. People with disabilities are people first and the disability is just a challenge and a part of them. Do I think that everyone that uses the R word and tells jokes about disabilities is purposely making fun of those that have those challenges? No, not always, I know it is “acceptable” in our society but that makes it wrong none the less. Think before you speak, and have some compassion and understanding. Embrace other peoples differences don’t draw a line between you.

There is room for everyone in this world. The world is such a big place. I think that there should be room for everyone to be whom they are and feel comfortable enough to where they can and not be exploited and made fun of for doing so. Everyone is different and that is great! I wish people looked more on the inside than on the outside. In a perfect world they would, but sadly it is not and people will continue to be cruel and uncaring. I invite you to help make a difference by bringing back a little compassion. Maybe it will spread like wild fire and encourage others to be compassionate.

I grew up being taught about compassion and being caring. I was taught it is wrong to make fun of people because they are different. I was taught that words that put down groups of people are wrong. I am teaching my son the same things. I was taught to love and accept people for who they are, not what they look like. It really is heartbreaking to me. I am going to make sure my son has the same morals I have. I think that I have really strong morals and a big heart and I can tell even at age 3 Noah also has a big heart. I hope to teach him and show him that differences are not a bad thing.

I hope you take a little time to think about others feelings and sit down and talk to your children about compassion and embracing differences. I think that would help the world be a better place.