He is Growing Up So Fast

I only have one child. He is six and a half. He is really growing up. I knew this would happen, but it's happening so fast. Time is flying by like the wind. I am cherishing every day and every moment. It all started when he told me to stop calling him baby. No matter how many times I say that I am not calling him a baby that wears a diaper. I am calling him baby like honey or sweetie.  It doesn't matter, he doesn't like it.  I have been working on it but its hard.

Noah has started giving himself his own baths. I am in the room of course but he doesn't want any help. I let him do it, but help to get the extra shampoo out.  We had a conversation about how I can't give him baths anymore. I wanted to cry. It was definitely a bittersweet moment. I am happy that he is independent and confident. I am a little sad because he's no longer that little boy. I am crying while writing this.

He has started telling me to stop babying him. I am his mom, I want to help him but I guess I need to wait to be asked.  He always thinks its amazing when I read his mind. When I know what he wants. I just smile and say because I am your mom.  I know what you are thinking. 

He no longer watches Sprout. This past Christmas, there wasn't a Caillou Holiday Movie marathon. I no longer hear Chica's squeak. I look forward to all the awesome things to come. I'm just gonna miss things that he used to do.

Parenting is a Lifelong Commitment

I read something about a letter from your parents. It basically said you are still my baby and how much I worry about you and please tell me you are fine.  As a mom I totally understand that, especially when I still call Noah my baby, he says I am your big boy. He is right but I remind him he will always be my baby.  I think you should let your parents know how you are, it is important.  I also think that parents should help their children, even when they are adults.  No one is perfect and sometimes people need help from their mom or dad. I don’t understand the mentality some parents have where they can’t wait until their kids move out, turn 18 or they get as far as possible from their child.  I personally think the moment you become a parent, you are a parent for forever. Your job is not over when your child is not 18 or 21 or moves out.  You cannot retire from parenthood.   You are still required to provide emotional support for your children, be their crutch, be their rock, be the one that they can run to when they need help.

We grow up relying on our parents. That is something we figure out the day we are born. We know that these giant people are our parents and their job is to take care of us and comfort us.  It’s not a learned behavior. I don’t see why that should change when you are an adult.  You are not blessed with all the wisdom and knowledge on your eighteenth birthday, although some people think so. Life is just a series of choices and events and sometimes things don’t work out like we planned.   I believe in someone being able to make mistakes and learn from them, but sometimes you need help.  It might be financially, relationship wise or anything really.  You just can’t turn your back on your child and let them fend for themselves.  You can’t offer them suggestions like telling them they need to do something ridiculous. 

When Noah grows up, I want to make sure he knows he can always come to me for help and emotional support or anything he needs.  I will make sure he knows every day how much I love him, how special he is and how proud I am of him. After all that is what we do for our kids.  I don’t think that just because someday Noah will be an adult that I will turn in my mom card and be done.  Being a parent is truly a lifelong commitment.

A Hard Parenting Moment

I recently wrote a post about letting people go.  Well, several nights ago Noah and I were talking, it was late, he had a cold and he started talking about my dad.  It broke my heart, without going in to personal details, basically he was saying things like I wish I could meet Grandpa. He is almost six and has never met my dad. He lives in England with his new wife and it just is far away. I haven’t seen my dad since before I found out I was pregnant with Noah.  Noah kept saying things like where is Grandpa? How far is England? Why haven’t I met him?  I didn’t have the heart to say anything. He went on to make a plan to go see him. He calculated every detail of the trip out to me.  I just went a long with it.  I felt the tears falling down my face because it made my heart hurt so badly.  We have never had the best relationship and again without getting in to all the personal details he has hurt me many times in my life, more than I can count. I had known this for a long time and it is who he is, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.  I was really hesitant to let him back in my life and now Noah’s life back in 2007.  It is really hard because he’s my dad. My five year old doesn’t know, it is sad that he hasn’t met him.  I already have seen him disappoint Noah and continue to disappoint me. I used to wonder if I did something wrong, if I wasn’t good enough growing up? I wondered if it was my fault. 

So, what do I say? I mean I am definitely not going to say the truth to my five year old. I don’t want him to know, if that makes sense. I guess I will just have to go along with it for now and not make any promises. It is not like he has made any effort to see us. He invited us out there when Noah was two.  That’s a long way from home and I would be worried something would happen and we would be on the streets in England to fend for ourselves.  He has never offered to come here once. When he was living in the states, he never offered to see us.  We actually moved to be closer to him and he took off to England.  He has never heard Noah’s voice other than on videos. He doesn’t call, Skype or anything. Noah has seen two pictures of him.  It makes me so sad, because who could want to not meet my sweet little boy. He is amazing and so smart.  It has really turned in to a very stressful and hurtful thing for me so I decided to just let him go. Let him have his life in England and all that and hope he is happy, but I can’t let him hurt us anymore. My heart can’t take it, I don’t want Noah’s heart to hurt or ever feel unloved  by him like I did for almost my entire life.  It just really stinks because Noah is asking about Grandpa all the time now and I know he is genuinely just a kid wanting to see someone he loves.

Get Baby Naming Help with Baby Ballot

One of the most important decisions you have to make when you find out you are having a child is what their name will be.  Some parents choose to honor a loved one by naming a child after them, some use traditional family names and some just pick names that they heard from TV or came up with from a baby book.  No matter where you get the inspiration for your child’s name it is something that will be with them for forever so it really is a big decision to make.  You can’t really change it once you name them. Sure you can call them by their middle name, which is common when the name Mary is used.  On my mom’s side of the family using a middle name as a first name is somewhat of a tradition.

Sometimes parents have a whole list of names for their baby to choose from. Picking just one name can be hard, especially when you and your spouse prefer different names as the one.  Parents can spend hours thinking about and debating on what name is perfect for their child. When I was born, the sex of a baby wasn’t normally something you found out, so you had to have a name for both. I know some parents don’t find out, but most do. There are many different ways to come up with a solution, like drawing names out of a hat. I have noticed with the popularity of social media and the internet, parents are turning to sites like Baby Ballot. Baby Ballot is a really cool website, where you can share your favorite names with your family and friends and they can vote for their favorite baby name. They also give you a huge list of names for ideas.  I really love all the  names on the girls page.  That way you can cut down some of the stress by having your friends help you make that decision.  It’s a fun thing to do and a way that family can help that live far away and might not have the opportunity to be right there to help with doctor’s appointments or to help with the housework.

For more information visit Baby Ballot.  Be sure to check out the Team Page too at http://babynames.net/team to learn more about the people who worked so hard to make this possible.

Sanity-Saving Objects for the Overworked Parent

Saving your sanity as a parent is a task best suited for things that don’t talk; namely, anything but other people.  OK, we’re just kidding for the most part, but there certainly are some physical things that can’t walk and talk that can help you find that inner peace you’ve been searching for, if even for only a few minutes.  So kick back, unwind, and pretend that you just don’t have any children with any of these items that an overworked parent should not be without.

Bath Robes

Few things are as relaxing to the major muscle groups in your body, as well as to a pounding headache, as a nice hot bath.  If you’re finding it difficult to get just a few minutes to yourself, a long bath is the perfect opportunity, because once you’re behind the bathroom door, even your kids can’t get to you (just be sure another adult or babysitter is watching them while you soak).  To make the exquisite experience last even longer, you should wear a luxury bath robe after getting out of the tub.  Comfortable, classy, and warm, these types of bath robes help you feel like a million bucks, even if you end up eating boxed macaroni and cheese afterward.

Headphones

When the word ‘headphones’ is mentioned, we’re not talking about that flimsy five dollar pair you picked up at Walmart or CVS.  We’re talking about high quality, noise reducing, comfortable to wear headphones.  Listening to your favorite music can be soothing, and sometimes a five minute break to hear your anthem can rouse you enough to keep going, even on a very long, busy day.

The Chair

The title for this section is vaguely described on purpose, mainly because there are no set descriptive characteristics you need have on your favorite chair.  Whatever couch, chair, or beanbag you decide to use is up to you, but whatever one you do select, it should be off-limits to the kids.  That way, when you need to sink into a comfy seat, there isn’t any competition from the kids, and you can restore your peace of mind before the kids restore chaos to your household.

Why Can't Teachers Hug Their Students Anymore?

When I was growing up it was normal for teachers to hug students, to consul them if they were upset. I am not talking about what I learned as bad hugs but good hugs. I loved hugging my teachers; I have always been an affectionate person. It was something considered acceptable. I am sure that somewhere there were children being sexually abused by teachers both male and female but really now days teachers are no longer allowed to hug their students without made to look like a villain. School nurses were allowed to check children for illnesses and other things going on, but now it is considered wrong and immoral.  Parents throw fits and threaten lawsuits for ridiculous reasons

Every time I think about this I think about my study hall teacher Mr. Brown. He was awesome I loved having study hall with him because he didn’t really care what the students did as long as they weren’t causing problems. Every other day, I would go to his class, see him and we would hug. Mind you Mr. Brown at the time was in his 60’s or perhaps 70’s he was like a grandpa.  We would say “I love you” in a goofy tone. It probably looked like we were having an affair but of course we were not. That’s just something silly we used to do. It was all in good fun. That was 12 years ago. If that happened today, Mr. Brown would be an inmate in the county jail and Nancy Grace would be pounding down my door for my comment. 

Now I am not pulling the wool over my eyes, I do understand that tragedies of sexual abuse do happen. I don’t however think that if you want to hug a teacher or another adult that it is happening necessarily.  I think that it depends on the situation of course. I think that a teacher should be about to hug a student if they are having a bad day. You back when a hug could make a world of difference or make you feel much better.  I think that a nurse should be able to do their job and care for a student and protect the other students without being accused of doing something wrong. The point is yes I know there are bad people out there but not everyone is bad or have malicious intentions.

In a over sexualized society, it is important that children are educated about what kinds of touch are acceptable.  When I was in brownies, a woman came to a troop meeting and explained to us about good hugs and bad hugs. What kinds of touches were acceptable and what was not.  She had dolls and everything. It really was something that stuck with me because I can remember it 20 years later. I can even tell you where I went to dinner that night.

I remember learning about sex ed in school. I remember I was in 4^th grade and we were separated from the boys and taught about periods and age appropriate things about sex.  Nothing glamorous about it, just the logistics of how it works, I am not sure if I was a sheltered child growing up in the safe community I grew up in or what but, it wasn’t a huge thing. I know I didn’t know what the kids these days know now. I think that sex has really become an issue that is being portrayed as fun or cool or whatever people are saying through TV and music.  I am not blaming TV per say but even parents that monitor their children closely are being exposed to things they shouldn’t be. There are also parents that don’t care about what their kids do or hear and let them roam around like an adult.

   

I am not a prude by any means but I think that it should be education about it, but not to the point that they know everything before they are 13. I believe that the lines of communication should be open because everything is over sexualized now. It is sad. There are in fact pedophiles out there. Many of them unfortunately but, not everyone is one. I urge you to talk to your children about good touch and bad touch and your children can come to you about anything or if they have questions.  Don’t make them feel like it is wrong to come to you. Talk in a very calm tone and answer their questions to the best of your ability.  Love them unconditionally.

Always Do the Right Thing

It is always important to always do the right thing. It doesn’t matter what it is, or how much you will benefit from it. You have to do the right thing in all situations.  I am teaching Noah to always do the right thing.  Recently, I wanted to order my salami and I waited until I had a coupon code, which happened to be the same day I was able to order more.  I put in a coupon code I received from the company on a post card and I couldn’t remember if it was the same one I used before as I have ordered from there a couple times. I remembered I had. So I closed their website and went to do other things. When I got their newsletter, I was so excited, I had a feeling that I should wait that morning. I put in the coupon code and was ready to check out. I noticed that the website had taken forty-two dollars off my order, making it $2.50 before the shipping.  I knew that had to be a mistake.  I immediately emailed them and told them what happened. I waited about ten minutes after I emailed and decided I should call them. I didn’t want it to get on a deal site or a coupon site and end up costing them big money.

I really don’t like talking on the phone unless I know you really well because I get really nervous. I sucked it up and called anyways. Last thing I would want is a company that I really like to have to go out of business. After all they have my salami and are a great company to order from. I was really nervous as I explained what was going on and they were very thankful that I caught their mistake and told them about it.  They are a company that really strives on great customer service and I wanted to do the right thing. I used this as a learning experience for Noah and how it is important to do the right thing.  It is my job to teach him these things. We talk about the right thing and the wrong thing to do.  I always try and do the right thing. If something isn’t rung up right where I wasn’t charged for something I will say something.  I would hate to see someone have to pay for something or feel the guilt of doing the wrong thing.

Sometimes it is easier, and more beneficial not say anything, but to me personally I rather go the extra mile and do the right thing. I am the example my son has and I want him to always do the right thing too.

Grown Up Bullies

I have heard a lot of talk about bullies. There have been many articles written about the subject in the past year. I know that a lot of terrible things have happened to young people that have been victims of bullying. There have been many lives lost to suicide brought on the abuse of bullies. There have been bullies actually physically committing murder and beating their victims almost to death. It is such a sad and terrible thing for children to endure and it needs to stop. I think that parents should talk to their children about being bullied and also how wrong it is to bully. Sometimes, not always, but in some instances it is learned behavior from their parents.
If you would have told me when I was younger like elementary school and in jr. high that adults could be bullies I wouldn’t of believed you. Every child has a teacher or two that they don’t like; it’s a part of life. I don’t think those teachers were bullies, I just think that I was a brat that didn’t always like to follow their directions, do the homework whatever it was and I would get in trouble.

Growing up my parents were not the type of parents that would have friends they would fight with, or any enemies. I guess I was lucky, or something. I can’t remember anytime there was “Drama” going on. It wasn’t that it was hidden from me or happened when I wasn’t paying attention, it just never happened. I know that my parents didn’t get along always, that is why they are divorced but, they would usually keep it away from my sister and me. Probably because I was a very out spoken child who would of said something. My mom has never said a negative thing about my dad, not even today. My grandma Diana would say mean things about my mom, my Grandma Rose and even me. That is a whole other blog post for another time in the future.

I was always under the impression that once you got out of school the bullying would stop, because that is not what I was accustomed to. I didn’t think that grown men and women would be that mean and cruel to others. I thought at some point people grew up and put the childish name calling behind them and the insults. I am sad and ashamed to say that I was wrong. It really makes me sick when people insult each other for the stupidest reasons. I think that any insult is uncalled for in any way or for any reason. It doesn’t matter what differences that you have, where you come from, or what the problem is. I have always thought it was better to ignore the person and walk away. If you feel threatened go to the police, otherwise make contact with that person scarce if you cannot stay away completely. No one deserves to be bullied, no matter how old you are.

I am not sure why people feel like it is ok to bully someone. I don’t really understand it. I am just really sad that it still goes on in adulthood. I am not sure if it is because they are a mean person or if they were bullied and now they are retaliating on anyone they can find. I have had toxic friends that were bullies to me. They were not physical bullies but emotional ones. I have had so called friends say horrible things to me or about me for no reason. Things would be fine and they would call me and say some ridiculous thing to me when I was mourning the loss of my Grandma Rose. I am no longer friends with those people. Really, I should have known better after receiving an email from this same person and then she had a bunch of people write awful hurtful things about me when we were in school. I should have known better. Do you ever look back in your life and think to yourself and thought that you wish you would have ended that friendship or relationship a long time ago. You wished that you never let it get to that point? I have now that I am older.

I have learned that not everyone is going to like me. That is fine, I guess, but people should be able to put their differences aside and co-exist without taking cheap shots. Besides the normal cuss words and name calling there are insults that are uncalled for. All of them are, but there are certain ones that are extra awful. I hate the R word. I hate when people use that as an insult or talk about “licking windows” or helmets. That is horrible. I am not talking about making fun of disabled people, I think most people know that is wrong, but when someone uses it as an insult. People are born different, and that is OK. We all have our challenges. Some people say it is a cultural thing to say it and that it doesn’t mean that. I disagree politely, it does. It is labeling people and saying that is not acceptable.

Another thing that a lot of grown up bullies do is bring children in to it and insult their kids. Children are innocent. They should stay out of it. Something else is throwing insults about being on assistance. Some people need help with food, medical, even cash. In a perfect world, we would all be millionaires, but this isn’t a perfect world unfortunately.

There is a saying that I am sure you all have heard many times. “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” That is a true statement and a false one. Sure words won’t leave physical bruises, but it will leave emotional bruises. Emotional bruises hurt for a long time. They are harder to forget. They don’t heal like physical ones, which fade away. I know that people sometimes say not to worry about what other people think or say but really, it does hurt. I know people are purposely trying to hurt you, why else would they do it. It is hard not to be upset or hurt. Especially if it is someone you thought was your friend. It is hard to not. It’s human to feel emotions and if someone says something about you, it hurts. Maybe I am just an emotional person. It is human nature to want to be accepted and loved.

I formula fed MY child, that doesn't make me a monster

First and foremost, I want to say that I have nothing against women who breastfeed their children. That is great if that was the choice you made for your family. The great part of being a mother is making choices for your children. I decided not to breastfeed my son, and that was my personal choice. I know there are a lot of women that feel strongly about breastfeeding and that is fine. What is not fine is how some advocates make women who formula feed out to be bad mothers or monsters.

This is the mentality I have seen over and over again in the blogging world and frankly, I am getting quite sick of it. I keep hearing that formula companies kill babies in foreign countries; babies that co-sleep and tragically pass away are only formula fed babies. Really? Let’s just not sit there and be like oh and by the way if you would have fed your child the “right” way you wouldn’t have had this tragedy happen. That is just heartless and cruel. I personally think co-sleeping is not for my family, I personally think that co-sleeping is dangerous no matter what your child drinks. I am not saying that people who chose to co-sleep are bad parents or monsters; it is just not for my family. How is it that some breastfeeding advocates can sit there and make outrageous claims and make other mothers feel like crap because they don’t share the same opinions as you? Since when did it become YOUR business how I fed MY child?

My son is three and a half and is perfectly healthy and he has only been sick a couple times since birth. He is smart and very talkative. Guess what he guzzled down his formula. I decided I didn’t want to breastfeed him which was my choice. Thankfully, I didn’t feel any pressure from the hospital I gave birth in to breastfeed. I had already been there for two weeks, they knew I would bite back. I had to wait a while before I got to hold Noah too because they took forever with my recovery and to bathe him. Oh, I had a C-Section, which means I had drugs. I didn’t have a choice with the way I gave birth, so he would have had to wait to be fed.

You are not a better mother than I am, because you breastfed. You don’t have the right to make me feel like I am a monster or I don’t care as much about my child. You chose your breast, I chose a bottle. I think what we should do is embrace each other as fellow mothers and not let it come between us. No one is right or wrong. The judgments need to stop. We are just doing what is best for our own families and children and that is all we can do.