Don't Sexually Harass Me!

I wrote about sexual harassment several years ago about a man named Bob. I felt like it was time to talk about it again. This time I will not be telling you a story about a person I knew. However I will be sharing with you my thoughts and feelings about sexual harassment. First, sexual harassment is not funny. You don't make sexual comments about any person unless it's a significant other with their permission. If you wouldn't say it to your parent or grandparents, do not say it to someone else. It's rude. It's disrespectful and it's wrong. I don't care what your beliefs are, you should respect others at all times.

Secondly, it’s not a joke. I don't think anyone would like it if their parent or adult child would have that said to them. Most of us are parents. I am someone's mom. I am a daughter. It's not a compliment. No one likes to feel like a piece of meat. No one likes to have comments made about them like that. It doesn't make people feel good or feel attractive. They don't like the attention. They are mortified. They want to disappear.  They want you to stop. People are not put on this Earth to be treated like crap. By sexualizing a person you are robbing them of their dignity and self-worth. Every time you make a comment you are stealing a piece of their self-esteem. After a while there's nothing left.  You are a sexual predator. It's worse when the person who does this is married. It gives a whole new layer of how wrong it is. Sexual harassment is not just a single thing. It's not a married thing, it's not a man thing. It's not a woman thing. It's not a particular race or age or anything thing. It's a creep thing. It's someone who feels bad about themselves that they have to sexually harass someone to make themselves feel desirable. We need to take a stand and not put up with it anymore. It's not cool.

I am upset that if you do this in the workplace it's illegal. I totally believe it should be, please understand this but if someone makes a lewd gesture or says something sexual it's not really a crime. It could eventually become harassment at some point by law. I do understand that the jails would be overcrowded with these offenders so it would be really tough. It doesn't matter what a person looks like, how their body looks, if they have big breasts or whatever they may have. They aren't open for sexual comments and gestures. Some women have bigger breasts or bottoms than others. Some can't help that. It doesn't matter what they are wearing, it's not an invitation for you to comment or stare. I think that some guys are misinformed about women. No we don't want to be talked to like that. We are not objects for you to lust over. Thankfully, there are men out there that don't do this. There are great men who value women. I am not sure how a parent allows their adult child to treat another person like that. If my son did it, he would be in big trouble. I wouldn't care if he was 45 and I was in my sixties. It won't happen. I'm not blaming their parents of course. It just doesn't make sense to me.

I notice this a lot on dating sites. Of course you may not find the crème de la crème of men or women on there. If you’re a single parent who works from home you don't go out a lot. You look for conversation about grown up things. You can only talk about Star Wars and Minecraft for so long. You want to talk about other things. Even if you have no interest in becoming romantically involved you still deserve respect. I believe when you make unwanted sexual advances towards someone you are abusing them. You make them feel bad about themselves. You make them feel sad and useless. You can almost break their spirits. It doesn't matter if it's a stranger or if it's a person you have known for years. Some ask for sexual favors in exchange for favors. That’s not OK. Even if you are claiming you are just joking. It’s wrong. I was always taught that you do favors for people because you want to help them. You don’t do them to get something in return. You don’t do them to benefit. Especially when someone genuinely needs help.  You are not owed something to help someone. Even if you feel that you are, it shouldn’t be sexual. If we all kept track of all the nice things we ever did to others, we would be owed a lot. Give to Give. Help to Help. To play devil’s advocate, the person might be lonely. They may have a hard home life. They may just want to feel desired or wanted. Making sexual advances is not the way to do that. Work out your problems with your significant other, go to counseling or end your relationship.  Please don’t look elsewhere and make someone else feel bad. I know misery loves company but no one wants to share in that.  

There's also those who use people by leading them on. They have no interest in having a relationship with the other person. They get what they want through lies and empty promises. It's hard to accept when that is happening especially when they are feeding you everything you wanna hear. Those are the people who prey on those who were abused and maybe have low self-worth.  It goes back to the anything is better than nothing theory. I can tell you and promise you that it's not. It's not better. I promise its worse. Loneliness sucks badly. It's better to be lonely than have the person who you think loves you lying to you and using you.

You have the right to be loved. You have the right to hold your head high. You have the right to feel good about yourself. You are not a piece of meat. You are not defined by how many people you have been with or the choices you made in the past. You are beautiful and amazing. Anyone who thinks otherwise, well that's their problem.

I sincerely hope that this post gives someone the strength to stand up and say enough is enough.

Let's talk about Sexual Harassment.

I want to talk to you about sexual harassment and how it not acceptable in any situation. It can happen to anyone anywhere. I thought I would share my story where I was sexually harassed by a car salesman. I was out with my old best friend one day like any other day, on this day we decided to go look at cars because she wanted to get a new one. I can’t remember the reason why now. We walked in to the local Acura car dealership and was greeted by a man named Bob. He was older and was in his late sixties. We found a car that she liked and we decided to take it out for a test drive. No big deal right? My old best friend ended up falling in love with the car and buying it.

Shortly after, I am talking a couple days after the phone calls started from Bob. The first call was about how she liked the car which we thought was normal. Then he would call everyday and he kept talking about taking us out to lunch. We didn’t think anything of it. We thought he was just trying to be nice after he obviously got a hefty commission from her new car. He would say things like I wanna take you girls out and show you a good time. We grew up in a very safe community together; the worst thing that had happened that we knew of was a triple murder when we were in sixth grade and at that time nothing like that had happened again. I guess we were naive and sheltered safe behind the city limits of where we grew up.

My old best friend decided she wanted to get a spoiler on her car. At the time she had started to develop really bad migraines. We went to the local Acura dealership again to get the spoiler put on and there was Bob. We tried to avoid him since he had been harassing us calling us on a frequent basis. I was living with her at the time so I knew when and how often he would call. The calls got weirder and weirder and it got to the point that the calls were sent to voicemail. I can still hear his creepy voice in my head almost 5 years later.

Well, he ended up being in the service area when we arrived. We were polite to him of course. He asked us how we were doing. I said I was fine or good or something along those lines. My old best friend mentioned her migraines to him because they were really bad. He responded by telling his about his problems with his male part in detail like we were his doctor or a good friend. It was and still is disturbing.

I really don’t want to know about some strangers penile problems. The other people that worked at Acura that overheard it didn’t say anything like that is inappropriate. Normal people don’t sit there and talk about their privates with a complete stranger or a customer. The calls continued until we got in to the car accident and the car was totaled. Every time I see the Acura dealership I think of Bob and get the chills. I wonder how many others are victims of Bob’s Sexual Harassment and obsessive phone calls.

Sexual harassment is not acceptable at all. You have the right to be out in public without someone making lewd comments or gestures at you. Some people think they have the right to say or do whatever they want without thinking about how it will affect others. Have you ever been a victim? We need to make a stand and use our voices and speak out against Sexual Harassment.