Don't Sexually Harass Me!

I wrote about sexual harassment several years ago about a man named Bob. I felt like it was time to talk about it again. This time I will not be telling you a story about a person I knew. However I will be sharing with you my thoughts and feelings about sexual harassment. First, sexual harassment is not funny. You don't make sexual comments about any person unless it's a significant other with their permission. If you wouldn't say it to your parent or grandparents, do not say it to someone else. It's rude. It's disrespectful and it's wrong. I don't care what your beliefs are, you should respect others at all times.

Secondly, it’s not a joke. I don't think anyone would like it if their parent or adult child would have that said to them. Most of us are parents. I am someone's mom. I am a daughter. It's not a compliment. No one likes to feel like a piece of meat. No one likes to have comments made about them like that. It doesn't make people feel good or feel attractive. They don't like the attention. They are mortified. They want to disappear.  They want you to stop. People are not put on this Earth to be treated like crap. By sexualizing a person you are robbing them of their dignity and self-worth. Every time you make a comment you are stealing a piece of their self-esteem. After a while there's nothing left.  You are a sexual predator. It's worse when the person who does this is married. It gives a whole new layer of how wrong it is. Sexual harassment is not just a single thing. It's not a married thing, it's not a man thing. It's not a woman thing. It's not a particular race or age or anything thing. It's a creep thing. It's someone who feels bad about themselves that they have to sexually harass someone to make themselves feel desirable. We need to take a stand and not put up with it anymore. It's not cool.

I am upset that if you do this in the workplace it's illegal. I totally believe it should be, please understand this but if someone makes a lewd gesture or says something sexual it's not really a crime. It could eventually become harassment at some point by law. I do understand that the jails would be overcrowded with these offenders so it would be really tough. It doesn't matter what a person looks like, how their body looks, if they have big breasts or whatever they may have. They aren't open for sexual comments and gestures. Some women have bigger breasts or bottoms than others. Some can't help that. It doesn't matter what they are wearing, it's not an invitation for you to comment or stare. I think that some guys are misinformed about women. No we don't want to be talked to like that. We are not objects for you to lust over. Thankfully, there are men out there that don't do this. There are great men who value women. I am not sure how a parent allows their adult child to treat another person like that. If my son did it, he would be in big trouble. I wouldn't care if he was 45 and I was in my sixties. It won't happen. I'm not blaming their parents of course. It just doesn't make sense to me.

I notice this a lot on dating sites. Of course you may not find the crème de la crème of men or women on there. If you’re a single parent who works from home you don't go out a lot. You look for conversation about grown up things. You can only talk about Star Wars and Minecraft for so long. You want to talk about other things. Even if you have no interest in becoming romantically involved you still deserve respect. I believe when you make unwanted sexual advances towards someone you are abusing them. You make them feel bad about themselves. You make them feel sad and useless. You can almost break their spirits. It doesn't matter if it's a stranger or if it's a person you have known for years. Some ask for sexual favors in exchange for favors. That’s not OK. Even if you are claiming you are just joking. It’s wrong. I was always taught that you do favors for people because you want to help them. You don’t do them to get something in return. You don’t do them to benefit. Especially when someone genuinely needs help.  You are not owed something to help someone. Even if you feel that you are, it shouldn’t be sexual. If we all kept track of all the nice things we ever did to others, we would be owed a lot. Give to Give. Help to Help. To play devil’s advocate, the person might be lonely. They may have a hard home life. They may just want to feel desired or wanted. Making sexual advances is not the way to do that. Work out your problems with your significant other, go to counseling or end your relationship.  Please don’t look elsewhere and make someone else feel bad. I know misery loves company but no one wants to share in that.  

There's also those who use people by leading them on. They have no interest in having a relationship with the other person. They get what they want through lies and empty promises. It's hard to accept when that is happening especially when they are feeding you everything you wanna hear. Those are the people who prey on those who were abused and maybe have low self-worth.  It goes back to the anything is better than nothing theory. I can tell you and promise you that it's not. It's not better. I promise its worse. Loneliness sucks badly. It's better to be lonely than have the person who you think loves you lying to you and using you.

You have the right to be loved. You have the right to hold your head high. You have the right to feel good about yourself. You are not a piece of meat. You are not defined by how many people you have been with or the choices you made in the past. You are beautiful and amazing. Anyone who thinks otherwise, well that's their problem.

I sincerely hope that this post gives someone the strength to stand up and say enough is enough.

Toddlers and Tiaras Teaches Little Girls Appearance is Everything

I wrote a post about what is wrong with tv these days and I was thinking about what shows like Toddlers and Tiaras and Little Miss Perfect teach little girls. Ok I don't think Little Miss Perfect is on any more.  I know these are not kids shows but there are still commercials for them and they appear on talk shows and they sometimes cover it on the news. I am concerned with child beauty pageants anyways. I am sure some people will argue that it teaches self esteem and blah blah blah. There are more healthy ways to teach self esteem. There are better ways to feel good about your self. Beauty pageants focus on outer beauty and they are forced to wear gobs and gobs of makeup and wear fake teeth called flippers. They are many times the little girls are dressed in skimpy little outfits that I would never wear as a grown woman. They look fake. 

 They are taught to be fake little puppets that are are taught that the most important thing in the world is to be beautiful and to have the prettiest face. What is wrong with letting kids be kids? Why not teach them that they are beautiful without the makeup and the false teeth and spray tans. Beauty comes from within. It doesn't matter what you look like as long as you are kind and have a good heart.  Beauty isn't putting on clown makeup and being told by judges that you are the most beautiful. You don't need someone judging you on your appearance. How you feel about yourself is what is important. The parents need to stop brainwashing their children but subjecting their little ones to judgement and paying for them to be judged. It's almost as if they are trying to prove to themselves that their child is good enough. Every child and person is good enough, and no one should have to tell you that. If you don't believe it, it doesn't matter how many pageants you have won or how many times you are told a day you have to believe it. 

 Loving yourself is the most important thing.

Here is What Has to Happen

This is part of three of What Happened to Me and Here’s What Happened be sure to catch up if you haven’t already.

So, what am I like now? I am very shy and quiet. I overanalyze EVERYTHING. Just ask Brandy, I drive her crazy I am sure dissecting everything down to the etymology of the word, maybe not that far, but close. I hate being this way. I don’t really smile much. I do when I am with my son, since I am a stay at home mom you would think that would mean always. I want to smile for other reasons though, not just because my son is being goofy or cute. I want to be back to who I was, who I am. I want to really bad.

Now, I have to figure out what I need to do. I need to let go. I am great at forgiving someone but not so great at forgetting and really forgiving myself. I am not sure why that is really. I have always had an excellent memory and I remember almost everything. I guess it goes back to being too hard on myself. I guess. I am way too hard on myself. I don’t know why. I just am. I guess I need to let myself go a little. Let my hair down and quit being a worrywart. I need to loosen up some and understand that it is ok to mess up and not know what is going to happen, or what might happen if this happens that would probably not happen. Worrying is hard work. If I spent less time worrying about silly stuff life would be so much better.

I was thinking while I was checking on my roasted pork I am cooking, that I am scared to post these posts because what if people think I am crazy. What if they don’t like me anymore? I stopped myself and was like who cares. What if…. What if….. Martians floated down in bubbles and stole our grass. I can’t worry about everything. It really is getting hard and taking a toll on my life. I need to leave the worrying to others or just not worry as much as I do. I worry about my friends and family too constantly. I worry about every little thing I can.

I am compulsive worrier. I am worrying about worrying too much right now. I think I am going to try and remove the words what if from my vocabulary and stop thinking about something that may or may not happen and be confident that what happens is what is meant to happen especially about things I have absolutely no control over what so ever.

I also have quite a bit of fear about some silly things. I guess that fear and worry go hand and hand. Fear is the mind killer. I really believe that. Fear can consume you just like worry or rage. I need to not fear. I need to trust in God that everything will be fine and just forget about it. I also need to realize that I can’t fix all the wrongs in this world by myself. I love that quote and I often find myself trying to fix things.

I have recently been reminded in life there are no guarantees. The only guarantee is death, which is the only thing you can count on eventually happening. In relationships I just have to let things happen the way they are supposed to happen and not push people away and not worry. I need to learn to trust, I do trust people but at the same time I don’t trust that what someone is saying is what they really mean and not that they have some ulterior motive. I just realized I am ultimately setting myself up for failure. It has become a routine thing where I almost make it fail. If you think you won’t succeed you won’t. It is all about the mindset you have. I will not expect to fail anymore. I will succeed and if I do fail than well whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

Here's What Happened

This is the continued post of What happened to me? If you haven’t check it out.

I guess it all started in high school. There was this guy named Matt. I can still see his face in my mind. Looking back it was like seriously, what was I thinking. Let me tell you about Matt. He was 18 and a bad boy. Of course he was attractive but he was bad guy like he had gotten kicked out of his parents house and was a nomad, his residence was under a bridge. I am not making that up. He was what you would call a hippi. I thought it was cool, but I was only 17 and very naïve and gutsy.

Well we started dated and I found out he was cheating on me. The nerve, the sadness. I was heartbroken. Now I am sure you are thinking that I wouldn’t possibly be broken over a guy from 12 years ago. That is where it all started. I mean I had my share of problems growing up of course, I just think this is where it all went downhill. I was still outgoing and gutsy. Maybe a little too gutsy if you ask me. Then you have my ex-husband which was just a real “gem”. I guess guys are part of my problems with really good reason. If you are told something over and over again you will start to believe it sooner or later. I was verbally and emotionally abused daily by my ex. My miscarriage left me dead inside. Then finding out my ex prayed for it killed me even more.

I have this complex that I call the “jerk” complex, it really doesn’t make real sense but it does to me. It is I guess a safety net. I am really trying to cut the strings of that net. It is silly. If I keep pushing people away of course they are gonna run for the hills. No one wants to be where they are unwanted. I know that all too well. I am getting better, I think. I mean I think I am. I am trying really hard not to push him away. It is weird. Maybe that I has something to do with the “choice” of men I have been attracted to. I find myself being attracted to jerks because they are jerks and if it is a guy who is not a jerk I have to be a jerk to make them a jerk. Yes you read that right. Clear as mud? I know it doesn’t make any sense. I guess it is a way to justify it if a relationship fails. The bottom line is I push people away. I know why I do it but it is personal way too much for my blog. Only a few people know why.

Another thing that broke me was when my grandma had Alzheimer’s Disease. I couldn’t deal with it. My grandma and I were so close and I didn’t really have any experience with it except when they would talk about it on a TV show. I tried to understand and I never really did. I missed my grandma when she was still alive. It was like her soul had gone up to heaven and her shell was still there. It was really hard. She remembered me most of the time but other times she was not my grandma. She was not her lovable self like a complete stranger. I don’t blame her because she had no control over it. It is definitely something that is hard for everyone involved. I never changed how I feel about her and love her with all my heart.

I had many toxic friends as well. I have removed all of them from my life. It is hard to remove toxic things from your life. I don’t know why all the toxic people were drawn to me. I am not toxic and I guess it is because my heart is really big and I forgive easily and love unconditionally. I had friends that would say really mean things to me and talk about me behind my back. One who even wrote a hateful letter to me and had a bunch of other people write mean things about me. What did I do? I forgave her. Even now I wish I wouldn’t of because that caused many more years of hurt and pain to me. She is gone now, which is a great thing.

Toxicity breeds Toxicity and it feeds off of you until you have nothing left, many toxic experiences and friends have broken me. Just like anything that is broken it can be fixed. I want to fix it. I am sick of feeling like this. It really sucks. You would think that all of these things would make me quit feeling, quit being so loving and sweet but they don't. My heart is too big and I just can't quit caring and turn totally bitter. It would be too much for me. I always say I am too sweet for my own good. My big heart is a blessing and a curse.

Stay tuned for part 3.

What Happened to Me?

So, I have been thinking a lot lately about myself now vs. who I was when I was say a teenager. Man I have changed a lot. I mean I am still that really sweet person I have always been with a huge heart but I am in fact different. I am not convinced it really is for the better either. I mean of course I am older and wiser but I have been through a lot of stuff that has in fact changed me. I know that life is constantly changing but seriously I miss the person I used to be. I used to be extremely outgoing. I was gutsy, not sure that is something I would do now, as I am a mom. So there goes my dream of being a hobo. Yes I really wanted to be a hobo when I was young. Hey, they had an awesome life traveling the rails singing songs around a campfire. I would talk to everyone and I wouldn’t care who it was or what they thought. I am in fact the same person that would act like a complete random dork in public. I have this memory of being in Jr high and at the pool with my old childhood best friend talking about our pancreases and telling people they needed to go to charter. Don’t ask long story not even I think I can remember it all.

I really didn’t care what anyone thought of me. I mean I guess I did maybe a little but not enough to stop me from having the time of my life. I laughed until I cried and cried till I laughed. I remember there would be times that I was really upset and then someone said something and I would start laughing really hard. I was always smiling to the point where I thought my face was going to freeze like that like after Botox. I have and had a huge heart, I must of inherited that from my Grandma Rose, never seen a big heart than hers.

I was carefree and young. I have really changed if you are going to change, I believe in changing for the better or the greater good. I changed for the worst. I was talking to my friend Brandy and I realized one night that I am broken. I realized that from reading a journal I had where people wrote nice things about you and your strengths. I still have it and I was reading all the letter people wrote and I was like woah. I remember being like that. Then I started thinking what happened? Where did I go? They wrote things like you are always smiling and so outgoing and you have such a flair for drama. Oh yes I loved to act. I was never good at it though. I had bad stage fright but I loved to pretend. You will never see my name up there in lights.

Then, something happened. Lots of something I suppose. I broke. There are many reasons why I broke. When did I care if someone liked me? When did I start caring what people think? When did it matter to me? When did I stop smiling all the time? I mean yes I still smile. My son is the best reason to smile but I am not super smile woman anymore. I miss that.

To read more of this post there will be a part 2 posted soon.