Ten things you should never do on an online dating site

Since everyone is online and in social networking, some people look for love online. For whatever reason you decide to join whether it's because you are new to the area or work a lot there are things you should know not to do. This is geared more to my male readers, but good tips for anyone to know that isn't ok. These are in no particular order.

10. Most people are not ready to meet someone within just moments of a first message. Don't ask them out right away. Get to know someone first.  Slow and steady wins the race.

9. Don't rely on physical appearance. Don't just choose someone because they look pretty or handsome. That is kind of superficial. Personality is the most important thing.

8. Don't ask someone if they think you are attractive. It looks like you are just looking for compliments or validation. Everyone wants to be loved but you need to love yourself. Don't rely on someone else's opinion to base your self worth.

7. Don't ask for someone's number to text or talk on the phone right away. I understand that texts are instant and logging in to the site can be annoying, but at the same time it helps control when and who you talk to. Sometimes you don't feel the same way about someone you talk to and they will text you a million times. Sometimes you are called names so better to make sure this is a controlled environment. 

6. Everyone likes compliments, but be mindful of how you compliment them. Being told that you are attractive, smart, funny or have a great personality is awesome. Stay away from commenting on their body or certain parts. It is rude and inappropriate. Make respectful compliments.

  5. Don't ask for naked pictures. Don't send them of yourself. If you wouldn't send the picture to your mom or grandma, don't send it to some stranger on a dating site. Don't use graphic language.

4.  Don't message someone over and over asking where they went if they don't respond instantly. People get busy with life and log out and it may take a few days to respond to you. Be patient.

3. Don't assume every person is the one. Become friends first, not everyone is going to be a love connection. There is a reason why Chuck Woolry had three dates on Love Connection. Even then not every time there was a match.

2. Don't be boring. Put thought in to what you write. Even if that means you take a while to respond. Read it, take a while to formulate your response and don't be too personal. Don't ask them to ask you questions.

1. No means no. Don't pressure someone or nag them to do something they don't want to do or don't feel comfortable with.

I know most of this is common sense but I thought that I would make this list. These are very common things I have noticed being on dating sites.

What tips would you add to not do on a dating site?

Handling Finances as a Single Mom

Since I am a single mom, who doesn’t receive any child support, money is really tight for me. I am fine with the fact that I don’t receive child support from my ex-husband.  It just means I have to be a little creative when it comes to spending money and planning my budget. My income can be steady or sporadic, it just depends on what I have going on.  I have learned to save for a rainy day or a rainy month.  It’s really important for me to plan for months that I may not have much money coming in.  I recently explained it to my friend as being a squirrel gathering nuts for the winter. I also use a lot of coupons, shop sales and go to the dollar store. My trips to the dollar store can be risky but I have gotten a lot better about buying random stuff. I can’t take Noah in there though; it is a disaster waiting to happen. Being a single mom is rough when you are the mom and dad. Once you throw in the financial burden it can be difficult without a plan. My good friends at Genworth have all kinds of tools that can help me plan for my present and future financial needs. I really like the Plan Workbook to help me plan long term.


 

I am happy that I am able to be home with my son and not have to worry about who will watch him after school or when he gets sick. I am pretty lucky. I feel that I would rather have this precious time with Noah than make a lot of money where I am working long hours away from him.

Someday, I would love to meet a nice guy and ultimately get married again. Daily Finance has a great article about tips to help protect your finances before you move in with someone.  After talking to some of my older friends, it is common for a husband and a wife to have separate bank accounts.  I know that sounds kind of odd. If you can’t share money, then maybe you shouldn’t get married or live together. I think it is more common when you have been married a couple times. It is extremely important not to share a bank account with the person you are living with, even if it a serious relationship. They could take all your money and be in the wind. You shouldn’t get an animal with the person you are dating.  When you want to just walk away, you are bound by doggie custody agreements and joint vet bills.  You can really lose everything you worked hard for.  Be sure to take a few extra steps to protect your assets before it is too late. Love can be blind and doesn’t always last.

This post was inspired by Genworth and Brandfluential. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

Dating Single Mom Style

Being a single mom can be very hard. It of course has its advantages and disadvantages. The advantages are way more important than the disadvantages of course. When you are divorced with a child or a single mom you have the urge to want to date. I am only thirty one and I would love to have a bunch more children. Some moms decide not to date or have no desire to be in a relationship again, but I am not in that group. I am however not really in any rush to do so. I know my biological clock is ticking and for someone who wants many more children, it is a little unnerving. I am however a mom. That doesn't mean that my needs aren't important. It means my son's needs are most important.  I am actually pretty nervous about dating anyone. I have set two important rules however.

The first rule is I have to be very serious with a guy before they meet Noah. We will have to be together a long time. He is my life and I don't want him getting attached unless it is the real deal. I don't want to be someone who brings a lot of relationships around my son. I don't want to be like this is my friend so and so, unless they are just a friend. I don't want him to bond with some random person who he may or may not see again. It's too confusing and hard for him.

My second rule is and I won't tell Noah he has this power, but if Noah doesn't like the guy, I won't per sue things further. I don't ever want to be with someone my son doesn't like. I don't want to be under the impression that things will get better and he will eventually like the guy. Kids are great judge of character, in my opinion. I am really  good at reading Noah and I know the difference between when he is genuine and when he is just being a grump.

I am nervous about dating someone because you never know who they are. I will totally Google the heck out of you, search court records, and find out whatever I can about the guy, before the first date. I  am not paranoid or crazy, but I don't live in some fairy tale world that thinks that bad people don't exist. I know that they do unfortunately. I will be well informed about who this person is. I will also trust my gut and know that if I feels like something isn't right, then it probably isn't. Women's intuition is important.

I am not really in any hurry. I definitely don't want to rush anything. I am fine with meeting someone and just talking for a long time before anything happens. I am more in to taking the time to making the right decision and going slow.  I want to make sure it is worth it vs. just jumping in and taking the risk and seeing what happens.  It's funny how when you are a parent, you change your thinking about everything.

When you are ready to meet a guy you should dress up nicely and don't forget to accessorize.

Faith and Relationships

I am kind of nervous writing this post.  I am not too sure how it will be received.

I asked on Twitter one day, if it was wrong that I want to have a relationship with a man who has the same faith I do? I mean we don’t have to be exactly on the same page about absolutely everything, but I would want someone who has the same fundamental beliefs I do.  I hope that doesn’t seem judgmental or anything but God is a huge part of my life and I want to be able to share it with my someday husband.   I want to be able to pray with him, read the Bible together, have discussions, and worship together. I personally believe that people with different beliefs in a relationship can strain the relationship.   I think a solid relationship is based on a foundation and you have to have similar belief systems.  When I think about this subject two things come to mind.  The first one is a bible verse.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken, if you are both wrapped around God your relationship is stronger.  Three is stronger than two strings that are just wrapped around each other.  This could be whatever you believe but for me it is God.

 The other thing I think of is an episode of Trading Spouses.  I think it is the only one I have ever watched and I have seen it twice.  The families are a Christian family and the other family is Orthodox Jewish, which means they are completely Kosher, they are very strict about dress and very old school with their beliefs.  When the Jewish mom is having dinner with the other family, she says it is important that her children marry someone who is also Orthodox Jewish. One of the family members said something along the lines of that’s judgmental.  The mother of the family agreed with the new mom and said it is important to have the same beliefs.   I have noticed people struggling with their relationships because they want to talk about their faith and the other person is not interested or even disrespectful about it.  It is ok that they don’t believe the same thing but I think that it is important to have that support system.

I have dated guys that don’t believe in God. I had some be rude about it and insult my faith. I never sat them down and tried to get them to believe in him. I respected their beliefs. I think it is easier when you have someone holding your hand and encouraging you to believe in your faith of choice and nurture it.  You definitely notice it more when you’re struggling in your faith without that support system.  It is in my opinion easier to get off the path you are on and be led astray.  I guess it is an accountability thing,  someone to keep you on track.

 Someone on Twitter responded it is important especially if you want kids down the road.  I totally agree. I am teaching Noah about God and Jesus.  His first DVD was God made Christmas. I love the God Made series. They are really cute DVDS.  I am not cramming it down his throat, he can make the choice when he is old enough to do so, but I want him to know about God.  We talk about God  together, pray together, he calls them God Blesses. It is important to me that he does. I want all my children to know about God.  I don’t want my future husband to derail my family’s beliefs.  I don’t want my children to hear that God isn’t real because he is.  I think that it becomes confusing for a child when they have parents that believe totally different things.  It becomes a struggle for the family and the child.  Things come together better when you are all together in faith and are able to grow in God (or whatever you believe in) as a family.

Let's Talk Facial Hair Ladies

Honestly, I am not a huge fan of facial hair on a man. I don’t know why that is. I don’t mind a well groomed goatee or a beard that lines the jaw but I can’t stand moustaches personally. I also don’t like the really scraggly beards that look like the man is part wolf man. I prefer a man to be either clean shaven or a guy that owns a beard trimmer and actually uses it. I don’t mind a little bit of stubble with the 5 o’clock shadow that is fine too. My ex had a moustache and a beard and I couldn’t stand it. I would ask him to shave it off but it never happened. He could have had warts or something under his moustache, I am sure he didn’t but, I would hate when food would get stuck in it. It was pretty gross. His moustache really gave me the creeps.

The next man I date will be given the gift of a beard trimmer. I hope he understands that if he chooses to have facial hair and to date me, he will not look like a wolf man. I understand that some men don’t like to shave but the occasional shave is important to me. I get bored really easily so I was looking at beard trimmers last night and I really like the Babyliss I Stubble. I think it would be a great gift for a husband, a father, a brother to receive. It would also be a great gift for a teenage son. If you give them one, they wouldn’t have a reason not to use it. It doesn’t have to be like a Christmas or a birthday present, it could just be a little present just because. If you think it would offend them, because men are weird and can be sensitive, you could just purchase one and put it in the bathroom, so his feelings aren’t hurt.

What are your opinions of facial hair? Does your husband have a beard trimmer? I look forward to your thoughts.